Friday, December 24, 2010

Keep Christ in Christopher

It's that time of year again, folks. The time when people celebrate without keeping in mind the man who made it all possible. They sign their names to their $200 gifts with not so much as a thought to their blasphemy. A sin so big, it's a wonder why the "God hates fags" people aren't all over it.

Yes, folks, I'm talking about Christophers.

Not all Christophers, mind you. In fact, "Christopher" is a perfectly fine person and I and the Lord have no beef with him. I'm talking about all of you Chris-es.

You know who you are. You remove the second half of your name because it's "too long" or "not cool" or "confuses people with its 'P-H means F'" sound. Well nobody said life would be easy for you.
When you write your name on that Christmas gift, you're signing a contract with God. You're saying that you agree to live by his rules and love him for all eternity. By shortening it to "Chris" you might as well be wiping your poo away with that contract. God forgive me for that language.

And then we have the most offensive naming of all; Topher Grace. Christopher Grace, despite his last name, hates the Lord so much that he wanted to remove as much of Jesus' name as possible from his own without having to resort to the questionable "Opher Grace."
Well, when Christopher Grace is burning in Hell, maybe he and Satan can get together and make a new TV show called "That 1070 Degrees Show"! Lol!

I added a visual aide in case some of you didn't get it. I'm also not sure if Topher Grace eats babies, but I wouldn't put it past him since he hates Jesus so much.

And don't even get me started on "Christina." If Jesus wanted to have a girl's name, he would have come to Earth as "Juanita" or something.

So this CHRISTmas season, remember to pray for all the Chrises and Tophers out there who deny Jesus in their daily lives by using this sinful name. I hope everyone has MERRY AMERICAN CHRISTMAS, and God Bless!

1 comment:

  1. out of nowhere, I decided to google "Topher Grace Eats Babies" and this came up. The great thing about the internet is that insane people can find other insane people and feel at home