While hitting my regular sites on the internet (mostly pornography), I noticed people reporting on the Mark Twain classic, "Huckleberry Finn." Apparently they deem the words "nigger" and "injun" offensive enough to warrant editing the whole book. It's a growing trend, apparently. I guess that's why that porno I was watching had the woman saying "Fuck me with your African-American cock!" Gotta keep it P.C.
This is one of the problems with America. White Americans are trying to cover up the fact that racism ever happened by whitewashing (blackwashing? African-American-washing? Wait, I'm straying into racist grounds again) the past. But that doesn't really work when the effects are still being felt today.
Here's another problem with America; dumb people take the word "nigger" in the book at face value and immediately decide that it must be cleaned up. They aren't looking at the historical context of the book, they're not looking at what characters use it, they aren't even taking into account that Mark Twain was perhaps the best satirist of all time, so when he uses the word "nigger" he's got a motive behind it. All they know is that the word is offensive, and so their poor little kids should be sheltered from it. It sucks all the meaning out of the book. It's like removing the context of the Holocaust from "Diary of a Young Girl." You no longer know why the text is relevant, why it's important, and what made it as famous as it is today. Should we also make Lolita a consenting adult who is saving herself for marriage, wears a silver ring and will only do anal so it is more comfortable for American audiences? Remove the word "bitch" from "Babe," ignoring the true meaning of the word altogether? Make Jane Eyre a vampire? "Moby Whale"?
People invoke the "Nanny State" a lot when it comes to stuff like this. It's a little deeper than that. People are always telling us to "think of the children," almost as much as dissenters use the phrase to mock them. We can't make everything in this country child-friendly. Not everything is Justin-goddamned-Beiber. "Three's Company" was edgier than anything on TV now.
I think George Carlin said it best when he said "Fuck the children!"
I'm worried that in the future this will be censored to "Fuck the children, provided they are 18 and you are married to them."
I like to call it the "Disneyfication of America." A place that exists outside of the real world where everyone is friendly, and attractive white kids dictate what kind of music and TV shows top the charts, and nobody ever gets offended because the same seven safe plots are used in all forms of media, ranging from "Oh no, I have two dates at the same time in the same place!" to "Men make a sexist gag, women challenge them to a gender-defined contest, women win, proving that the sexes are equal."
These "special editions" of books need to stop now. You get kids to care about literature by telling them how boundary-testing and interesting and revolutionary it is, not by cleaning it up so it's as vanilla as everything else in their lives. We need to do this before Twain, and Vonnegut, and Shakespeare, and Joyce are further maligned by literary masters like Snooki, and Spencer Pratt, and Kim Karashian, and Jenny McCarthy.
They've always said that knowledge is power. It's no coincidence that we're so content to lose both.
Showing posts with label frustration. Show all posts
Showing posts with label frustration. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Monday, October 11, 2010
I love the Disney Channel.
Believe it or not, there was once a time in American pop culture when Disney was the gold standard for a brand. They put out high quality programming, movies, products, and even had a theme park that didn't require you to sell your children to sweat shops to visit. But, as we all know, when you're at the top there's only one place to go, and it ain't a plateau.
In the Disney Channel's infancy it was actually a pay channel like HBO or Showtime. Unfortunately this required them to use effort or people would stop paying for them. It ran shows like "Under the Umbrella Tree" and "Dumbo's Circus" and Mickey Mouse even taught you how to do aerobics.
(Mousercise pics from http://www.platypuscomix.net/history/exercise.html)
Yeah. You're seeing that correctly. That's someone dressed as Donald Duck standing in close proximity to a woman (who is not a young Rue McClanahan) who is wearing leg warmers. And I'm assuming he knows he's in front of a camera. Can you imagine the preparation he must have to put himself through every morning to go to work? Not stretching, but convincing himself that life is still worth living? Plus, I can't imagine Donald wouldn't have a visible erection wearing no pants and being around that many women in tights. Why is he dressed like a sailor even when he's doing warm-ups?
(Not the same person)
At any rate, at some point Disney decided that this was not a quick enough way to bring down western civilization and they became a basic cable channel, bringing you such quality programming as "Hannah Montana" "That's So Raven!" and "The Jonas Brothers Fellate the Neighbors."
This is the Disney Channel you are familiar with. The Disney Channel that has since poisoned every industry from music to TV to clothing to movies to cooking (probably). The Disney Channel that I love.
That's right. I fucking love it. Why, you might ask? Because of a simple theory I have that has thus far proven to be true. Disney gets genetically perfect kids, exploits them for all they're worth, and kicks them to the curb once puberty sets in. Sound about right? Well, let's explore why it's so fantastic together.
Step 1: You're hired!... As a bit player of a currently hot show.
Step 2: Your very own show!
Congratulations! Disney was probably convinced you deserve your own show because you're thin and pretty and can kind of sing! Good for you! Are you ready to churn out CDs to children whose parents will soon lose their minds by listening to your interpretation of "Let's Get Together" over and over again? Hooray! Let's give you a name that sounds kind of like yours and put you in a familiar location and make it completely wacky. Like in middle school, but you're secretly an international rock star! Or in middle school, but you're a witch! Or in middle school, but you can see the future! That's so interesting! That's so awesome! That's so Raven! Now, we're only going to make three seasons of your show. During those three seasons there will be no character development at all. Everyone must stay the way there are and have one character trait. We don't know how to develop people with more traits than that. Characters who we write as your best friends may not have the appeal we need, so we might fire them in the middle of a season, so continuity is a big no-no. Finally, we're only going to give you three seasons because after that our studies show that you n longer have that innocent look and parents will be looking for the next thing to keep their kids sheltered. But don't worry, we'll have a huge theatrical movie that will cap off the series, although almost every secondary character will be missing and it'll be focused on you and a far-off location and a love interest. But you'll get to sing all the music for the soundtrack and this will launch your music career, which we'll manage.
Step 3: Life A.D. (After Disney)
Now that you're too old for TV appeal, we'll keep churning out your CDs until the next thing on the Disney Channel usurps you. That'll be good for about six months. Meanwhile we'll rerun your show for the next five years, gaining any cash from residual marketing and interest. You may feel that you're getting a bit too old for Disney now. Instead of letting you live in obscurity with the money you don't deserve, we're going to keep whoring you out like the cash cow you are. You'll be 26 and still playing a 15 year old, but we won't tell anyone.
You may also be noticing things about your persona now. You're barely 18 now and the media is starting to sexualize you. That tends to happen when genetically perfect children grow up and blossom. You're a hottie. But don't let anyone know. Your nightclub antics are starting to catch up with you. All that cocaine might be good for your figure, but parents tend to frown on that kind of thing. That's fine, but expect us to distance ourselves from you as soon as this happens. If you're still making money for us in "High School Musical 7: The Community College Years," we'll put out a statement of support and let you off with a warning. Next time you're on your own.
4. Ok, ok we get it.
You want to move on. You don't want to be perceived as another kiddie Disney princess, so you'll be looking for breakout roles outside the company. Your career with us has come to a halt. You're tried to explore other things, but they're just not successful. It's almost as if you never had the talent we told you you had. Like all you had going for you was marketability and good looks. Like the only reason you're still relevant is because men just wanted you to turn 18 so they could jerk off without the tinge of guilt. But fine, get out of here. Don't try to come back. But somehow, despite your lack of talent and range, you really want some work that will make people take you as a serious actress and not just someone who could do a double take in a school gym.
5. You're an adult.
So, doesn't it feel good to be away from Disney? What a bunch of assholes. But hey, you're pretty and talented. You're signed with us now. You have this drive to be considered a serious actress even though you don't have the chops for it. And you're desperate to stand apart from that cute role that got you famous. What would be the logical ting for a pretty young girl who wants to be seen as an adult and has been lusted after for years?
In the Disney Channel's infancy it was actually a pay channel like HBO or Showtime. Unfortunately this required them to use effort or people would stop paying for them. It ran shows like "Under the Umbrella Tree" and "Dumbo's Circus" and Mickey Mouse even taught you how to do aerobics.
(Mousercise pics from http://www.platypuscomix.net/history/exercise.html)Yeah. You're seeing that correctly. That's someone dressed as Donald Duck standing in close proximity to a woman (who is not a young Rue McClanahan) who is wearing leg warmers. And I'm assuming he knows he's in front of a camera. Can you imagine the preparation he must have to put himself through every morning to go to work? Not stretching, but convincing himself that life is still worth living? Plus, I can't imagine Donald wouldn't have a visible erection wearing no pants and being around that many women in tights. Why is he dressed like a sailor even when he's doing warm-ups?
(Not the same person)At any rate, at some point Disney decided that this was not a quick enough way to bring down western civilization and they became a basic cable channel, bringing you such quality programming as "Hannah Montana" "That's So Raven!" and "The Jonas Brothers Fellate the Neighbors."
This is the Disney Channel you are familiar with. The Disney Channel that has since poisoned every industry from music to TV to clothing to movies to cooking (probably). The Disney Channel that I love.
That's right. I fucking love it. Why, you might ask? Because of a simple theory I have that has thus far proven to be true. Disney gets genetically perfect kids, exploits them for all they're worth, and kicks them to the curb once puberty sets in. Sound about right? Well, let's explore why it's so fantastic together.
Step 1: You're hired!... As a bit player of a currently hot show.
Disney likes to test the waters. Sure, your fourteen-year-old genes might make people born with flippers for arms wish they had a third of your looks. Sure, you may have broken up a neighbor's marriage because the bored husband was taking pictures of you through the curtains, but are you talentless yet pretty enough to carry your own show? Disney will shoehorn you into the background of a currently running TV show to see how well you can follow directions and appeal to the market before the next Demi Lovato becomes the next Hilary Duff. If you're vaguely ethnic, even better. Vaguely ethnic pretty young people appeal to young ethnic kids who are looking for role models and young white kids who want to frustrate their parents.
(I can't believe you got your own franchise either.)
(I can't believe you got your own franchise either.)Step 2: Your very own show!
Congratulations! Disney was probably convinced you deserve your own show because you're thin and pretty and can kind of sing! Good for you! Are you ready to churn out CDs to children whose parents will soon lose their minds by listening to your interpretation of "Let's Get Together" over and over again? Hooray! Let's give you a name that sounds kind of like yours and put you in a familiar location and make it completely wacky. Like in middle school, but you're secretly an international rock star! Or in middle school, but you're a witch! Or in middle school, but you can see the future! That's so interesting! That's so awesome! That's so Raven! Now, we're only going to make three seasons of your show. During those three seasons there will be no character development at all. Everyone must stay the way there are and have one character trait. We don't know how to develop people with more traits than that. Characters who we write as your best friends may not have the appeal we need, so we might fire them in the middle of a season, so continuity is a big no-no. Finally, we're only going to give you three seasons because after that our studies show that you n longer have that innocent look and parents will be looking for the next thing to keep their kids sheltered. But don't worry, we'll have a huge theatrical movie that will cap off the series, although almost every secondary character will be missing and it'll be focused on you and a far-off location and a love interest. But you'll get to sing all the music for the soundtrack and this will launch your music career, which we'll manage.
Step 3: Life A.D. (After Disney)Now that you're too old for TV appeal, we'll keep churning out your CDs until the next thing on the Disney Channel usurps you. That'll be good for about six months. Meanwhile we'll rerun your show for the next five years, gaining any cash from residual marketing and interest. You may feel that you're getting a bit too old for Disney now. Instead of letting you live in obscurity with the money you don't deserve, we're going to keep whoring you out like the cash cow you are. You'll be 26 and still playing a 15 year old, but we won't tell anyone.
You may also be noticing things about your persona now. You're barely 18 now and the media is starting to sexualize you. That tends to happen when genetically perfect children grow up and blossom. You're a hottie. But don't let anyone know. Your nightclub antics are starting to catch up with you. All that cocaine might be good for your figure, but parents tend to frown on that kind of thing. That's fine, but expect us to distance ourselves from you as soon as this happens. If you're still making money for us in "High School Musical 7: The Community College Years," we'll put out a statement of support and let you off with a warning. Next time you're on your own.
4. Ok, ok we get it.
You want to move on. You don't want to be perceived as another kiddie Disney princess, so you'll be looking for breakout roles outside the company. Your career with us has come to a halt. You're tried to explore other things, but they're just not successful. It's almost as if you never had the talent we told you you had. Like all you had going for you was marketability and good looks. Like the only reason you're still relevant is because men just wanted you to turn 18 so they could jerk off without the tinge of guilt. But fine, get out of here. Don't try to come back. But somehow, despite your lack of talent and range, you really want some work that will make people take you as a serious actress and not just someone who could do a double take in a school gym.
5. You're an adult.
So, doesn't it feel good to be away from Disney? What a bunch of assholes. But hey, you're pretty and talented. You're signed with us now. You have this drive to be considered a serious actress even though you don't have the chops for it. And you're desperate to stand apart from that cute role that got you famous. What would be the logical ting for a pretty young girl who wants to be seen as an adult and has been lusted after for years?
Monday, May 24, 2010
Problems with the "Lost" finale
Note: This is kind of a knee-jerk reaction. I know that. It's not going to be completely coherent. Bear with me.
You were so close. So, so close.
You almost had a great show all the way through. You shocked us, you entertained us, you made us feel for the characters.
Missed it by that much.
Here's why;
1. Religious heavy-handedness
Jack's entry into the all-inclusive non-denominational church immediately raised a flag. Everyone had been acting very strangely, and when we saw that casket, we knew something was about to go down. Then we saw Jack's dad, realized everyone was dead, they were in heaven/purgatory without ever quite saying it, etc. The icing on the cake was the name of Jack's father--Christian Shepard--guiding them all to the bright light. It was just too much. I wanted to groan.
The spiritual theme has always been present in Lost. Locke embodied it for years, until he died, of course. Then Jack took up the mantle. Jacob hung around to give us the religious vibe in Locke's absence. I don't mind that the "man of science" was wrong in the end. I was just a bit disappointed that they went for a safe, Jesus-loves-everyone ending. It reeked of cheese and frankly I thought they deserved more. The whole scene still feels surreal to me. Why is that? Well...
2. Mysticism vs. Realism
The Island, post-season 1, opened us to a world of mysticism. We had the Smoke Monster, the healing properties of the island, destiny, time travel, Jacob, etc. etc. The Island was a wonderful place where special things happened. They were trapped there and it was a stark difference from everyday life. Before the island, the survivors were criminals, doctors, musicians, fast food workers. They were normal people. Slowly, The Island transformed their world into something fantastic. Then the flash-sideways grounded us again. We saw the familiar characters behaving in everyday ways. They still had struggles and they were still interesting despite the fact that they no longer had the mystical Island juju to help them. There was no Jacob. However, in the final moments of Lost we find out that the whole "realistic" world is a construct. It means nothing. It was undone. All of the new relationships and redemptions we witnessed meant nothing at all. They were all dead. Who cares? Lost had pulled the rug out from under us before with storytelling methods like the flash forward, but I had never felt betrayed or like I had wasted my time. I liked the flash sideways. It helped me feel like these characters, though they may be dead in the "real" timeline, might have a shot after all. But nope. The survivors left behind a lot of kids they'll never see again; Jin, Sawyer, and Michael all had children that are now abandoned. They'll never see them again. And the flash sideways world, where they could have addressed that, suddenly doesn't matter at all. Speaking of kids--
3. David
Jack's son in the flash-sideways was something of an enigma. We didn't know where he came from til the final episode, we don't know what happened to him after Locke "woke up," and we never find out. Since the flash sideways is a construct, it's possible that Jack created him as a son that he could use to be the father he always wanted. But it that's true, then that means Jack unconsciously has some kind of reign in that construct. So Jack's unconscious mind put him in a relationship with Juliet. Does that go against any kind of real emotion the characters had in the main timeline? we saw there that Jack and Kate wound up together, and so did Juliet and Sawyer. They were very happy, seemingly. The flash-sideways undoes all of that. It negates it. It seems less real than it was. It cheapens the relationships that we cared about over six seasons.
4. No finality in the real world
One huge mistake they made in the final season was showing us what happened in the purgatory world. There was closure there. Everything was tied up in a neat little bow and the white light bathed us all and we felt really good about it.
But who cares? None of it actually happened. I didn't care at all about that world by the time it ended. I wanted to know about the real world. What happened to Claire and Richard and Sawyer and Miles? How did Hurley and Ben get Desmond home? Those are the real questions. Those are what mattered. The focus was on the wrong timeline.
5. Negation of the flash-sideways
Obviously I mentioned this above. We spent a whole season redeeming characters (Sayid, Jin, Ben) and helping them learn and discover themselves (Locke, Jack). There was some wonderful character development. Jin and Sun were together despite the oppressive nature of Mr. Paik. Sayid saved Nadia, just like he always wanted to do, but at the same time he learned to move on from her. Ben looked like he was going to have a happy future with Rousseau and Alex. Jack accepted that there was room for faith in his life and Locke realized that faith wasn't everything. These were all the lessons that they should have learned in the real world. This timeline was what they needed. It was what the audience needed. In those last few minutes we realize that none of this matters because the characters were all dead when it happened. They never learned these things in life. They never got to grow from their self-discovery. They never got to live life their way if The Island and Jacob had never interfered. More importantly, the audience never got closure. What's the point of having your characters redeemed when it no longer matters?
6. The Smoke Monster
The Big Bad of season six was the Man in Black. The Smoke Monster. We were told that The Island was his prison and he could never leave. If he did, the world would be ruined.
But that's it.
At the halfway point, the Man in Black was shot and unceremoniously tossed off a cliff. Bu we never really saw the extent of his power. It never really felt like the world was in danger. We needed to see what he was going to do when he escaped. We need to know that Jacob wasn't lying this whole time. We got none of that. The fight was great, but it ended too soon.
Lost seems to have fallen into a couple simple traps; we never saw any real threat in the villain, and they failed to realize what their audience needed. These simple things would have saved us a lot of frustration... or at least it would have saved me a lot of frustration. The finale wasn't even bad. 80% of it was fantastic. I loved Ben's redemption. I loved the final shot. I loved seeing (almost) everyone again. I just wish it would have meant something tangible.
You were so close. So, so close.
You almost had a great show all the way through. You shocked us, you entertained us, you made us feel for the characters.
Missed it by that much.
Here's why;
1. Religious heavy-handedness
Jack's entry into the all-inclusive non-denominational church immediately raised a flag. Everyone had been acting very strangely, and when we saw that casket, we knew something was about to go down. Then we saw Jack's dad, realized everyone was dead, they were in heaven/purgatory without ever quite saying it, etc. The icing on the cake was the name of Jack's father--Christian Shepard--guiding them all to the bright light. It was just too much. I wanted to groan.
The spiritual theme has always been present in Lost. Locke embodied it for years, until he died, of course. Then Jack took up the mantle. Jacob hung around to give us the religious vibe in Locke's absence. I don't mind that the "man of science" was wrong in the end. I was just a bit disappointed that they went for a safe, Jesus-loves-everyone ending. It reeked of cheese and frankly I thought they deserved more. The whole scene still feels surreal to me. Why is that? Well...
2. Mysticism vs. Realism
The Island, post-season 1, opened us to a world of mysticism. We had the Smoke Monster, the healing properties of the island, destiny, time travel, Jacob, etc. etc. The Island was a wonderful place where special things happened. They were trapped there and it was a stark difference from everyday life. Before the island, the survivors were criminals, doctors, musicians, fast food workers. They were normal people. Slowly, The Island transformed their world into something fantastic. Then the flash-sideways grounded us again. We saw the familiar characters behaving in everyday ways. They still had struggles and they were still interesting despite the fact that they no longer had the mystical Island juju to help them. There was no Jacob. However, in the final moments of Lost we find out that the whole "realistic" world is a construct. It means nothing. It was undone. All of the new relationships and redemptions we witnessed meant nothing at all. They were all dead. Who cares? Lost had pulled the rug out from under us before with storytelling methods like the flash forward, but I had never felt betrayed or like I had wasted my time. I liked the flash sideways. It helped me feel like these characters, though they may be dead in the "real" timeline, might have a shot after all. But nope. The survivors left behind a lot of kids they'll never see again; Jin, Sawyer, and Michael all had children that are now abandoned. They'll never see them again. And the flash sideways world, where they could have addressed that, suddenly doesn't matter at all. Speaking of kids--
3. David
Jack's son in the flash-sideways was something of an enigma. We didn't know where he came from til the final episode, we don't know what happened to him after Locke "woke up," and we never find out. Since the flash sideways is a construct, it's possible that Jack created him as a son that he could use to be the father he always wanted. But it that's true, then that means Jack unconsciously has some kind of reign in that construct. So Jack's unconscious mind put him in a relationship with Juliet. Does that go against any kind of real emotion the characters had in the main timeline? we saw there that Jack and Kate wound up together, and so did Juliet and Sawyer. They were very happy, seemingly. The flash-sideways undoes all of that. It negates it. It seems less real than it was. It cheapens the relationships that we cared about over six seasons.
4. No finality in the real world
One huge mistake they made in the final season was showing us what happened in the purgatory world. There was closure there. Everything was tied up in a neat little bow and the white light bathed us all and we felt really good about it.
But who cares? None of it actually happened. I didn't care at all about that world by the time it ended. I wanted to know about the real world. What happened to Claire and Richard and Sawyer and Miles? How did Hurley and Ben get Desmond home? Those are the real questions. Those are what mattered. The focus was on the wrong timeline.
5. Negation of the flash-sideways
Obviously I mentioned this above. We spent a whole season redeeming characters (Sayid, Jin, Ben) and helping them learn and discover themselves (Locke, Jack). There was some wonderful character development. Jin and Sun were together despite the oppressive nature of Mr. Paik. Sayid saved Nadia, just like he always wanted to do, but at the same time he learned to move on from her. Ben looked like he was going to have a happy future with Rousseau and Alex. Jack accepted that there was room for faith in his life and Locke realized that faith wasn't everything. These were all the lessons that they should have learned in the real world. This timeline was what they needed. It was what the audience needed. In those last few minutes we realize that none of this matters because the characters were all dead when it happened. They never learned these things in life. They never got to grow from their self-discovery. They never got to live life their way if The Island and Jacob had never interfered. More importantly, the audience never got closure. What's the point of having your characters redeemed when it no longer matters?
6. The Smoke Monster
The Big Bad of season six was the Man in Black. The Smoke Monster. We were told that The Island was his prison and he could never leave. If he did, the world would be ruined.
But that's it.
At the halfway point, the Man in Black was shot and unceremoniously tossed off a cliff. Bu we never really saw the extent of his power. It never really felt like the world was in danger. We needed to see what he was going to do when he escaped. We need to know that Jacob wasn't lying this whole time. We got none of that. The fight was great, but it ended too soon.
Lost seems to have fallen into a couple simple traps; we never saw any real threat in the villain, and they failed to realize what their audience needed. These simple things would have saved us a lot of frustration... or at least it would have saved me a lot of frustration. The finale wasn't even bad. 80% of it was fantastic. I loved Ben's redemption. I loved the final shot. I loved seeing (almost) everyone again. I just wish it would have meant something tangible.
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